12 confronting stories of men who stepped up and owned their violence against women

A review of No Buts: Twelve inspiring stories from men who changed their abusive behaviour by Margaret Chipperfield (Hembury Books)

No Buts: twelve inspiring stories from men who changed their violent or abusive behaviour by Margaret Chipperfield (Hembury Books)  goes a long way to helping us understand this from the perspective of men who have been abusive. Margaret is a social worker who ran groups for men who had abused women and who wanted to stop and to understand why they had done this.

She writes, “This book has been written to show that there are men who want to change their behaviour and they can do so. What better way to reduce the number of hurt women and children than by addressing the cause, buoyed by the knowledge that some men want to change?”

The book highlights, mostly in the men’s own words, what they came to understand as underlying their behaviour. The common themes are intergenerational trauma and poor parenting, ADHD, drug and alcohol abuse, and PTSD.  Here is what some of them had to say.

KEVIN Anger with my mother, her coldness and religious strictness … the narrow, male-dominated education system I grew up in, my insecurity with women.

JORDON I couldn’t deal with any kind of criticism. I would react with verbal abuse and later physical abuse, that included pushing, grabbing, punching and biting. I would know I was getting uptight when my jaw clenched, my fists clenched and my whole body tightened, but I didn’t know then what my body was telling me or what to do about it.

– Margaret Chipperfield

You can buy a copy from Amazon in hardcopy or for Kindle, or from the author.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *